Don't Starve, Mass Effect 3
After finishing Mass Effect 3 (see below), I listened to a podcast I was avoiding, and during that podcast, they reminded me about Don't Starve, and clarified that if you buy it now, you immediately join the beta and can begin playing right away. WELL! That's all I needed to hear, and I jumped right in. Chopping down trees, collecting grass, dying. It is a very focused Minecraft, and I like it.
Oh what's that? You remember me mentioning finishing Mass Effect 3 a paragraph ago? Well!
So anyway, the show is on, I get through lines and lines of stupid Cerberus jerks, and get to the Illusive Man's awesome room, only for him not to be there, and discovering that the Catalyst is, surprise, the Citadel. What ISN'T the Citadel? We cannot stop talking about that Citadel. After killing that assassin guy who I could care less about, it's found out that the Illusive Man is ten steps ahead of us, working with the Reapers and already moved the Citadel above Earth, meaning everyone that I helped so far this game is probably dead, so that fucking sucks. Seriously, a million people lived there, almost all of them high-ranking members of society. Plus Jacob! I am sure he hasn't left that hospital!
So it's off to Earth, and here is where my nightmares begin, because the game starts getting HARD. There was one mission that I had to try at least ten times, because it was a tiny, tiny space and there were a dozen cannibals and a banshee in it trying to eat my face. After finally getting through that, there was this big area that made it super super clear that this was the last time you get to talk to anyone, and you are totally going to die after this. All saying goodbye to everyone and pouring out 40s.
And then the worst part of the game. You are trying to march toward this beacon, but the Reapers are completely destroying everything. EVERYTHING. After half an hour of tough street fights, you get to this plaza with giant missile tanks that are completely abandoned. Of also a reaper is constantly firing his giant death laser at you. And there are also six fucking brutes. Maybe a dozen banshees. Hell, how about fifty cannibals, what, are you busy? It was so tough, and let me know that there was no way that I was ever ever going to repeat this ending again, because screw this!
After all that insanity, the final march for the beacon begins, in which you just run straight at the beacon with all sorts of shit going down, and the worst part is that you don't make it. You get hit by a laser and the screen goes white and a voice announces that the whole troop was wiped out and you're like, oh shit. But Shepard is a trooper, so he gets back up and walks into the beacon.
He gets up to the Citadel, which is teeming with corpses, and stumbles towards the main room, where the Illusive Man is, all brainwashed, and I talk him down and he shoots himself in the head and then you and Anderson push the button and the Crucible is ready to go. You both sit back and say, "Yeah, good work, we did it all right, it is okay to die now." Anderson goes first, and Shepard is just about to slip and the game SHOULD HAVE ENDED.
It doesn't. Instead, Shepard is taken up to a hidden room and there's a starchild there telling him that the whole Reaper invasion is his solution to the universe and it won't work anymore and Shepard needs to choose a new solution. I'm given a number of choices, including making everyone a cyborg, which will...help, somehow, and so I say, "Sure, let's finish this conflict, let's merge everyone into one huge happy robot family," and jump in and then everything fucking explodes and the Normandy crashlands on a planet and Joker is going to have some awesome sex with his robot lady and it turns out it was all just a story told by goddamn Buzz Aldrin this entire time.
Okay, let me be clear, I did not hate the ending. Mainly because I was determined not to. But I could see the problems. There was not a lot of explanation, and they really did move the goalpost further than it needed to go. They had a good ending, and then they added this weird starchild, brand new universe, cookie cutter ending choice thing. It was a bad idea, but after thinking through it and exploring what else happened, this wasn't as bad as all those maniacs said. But it could have been better. It was better! They could have just stopped at one point and it would have worked. And the amount of backsteps they took in the extended ending makes me dislike how cowardly they were; specifically, in the original ending, the mass relays EXPLODE, which is huge and interesting, and in the extended ending, they take it back. Come on guys.
But, it's past me, I'm okay with it. Okay, everyone. What saddens me is that the whole ending regamole just shut me down on Mass Effect period. While I was playing, I was flirting with the idea of going full-renegade FemShep, just all being a lesbian and making out with my secretary. And now I don't want to. I don't care. I don't want to see how the opposite of what I chose to do would work out, because...it would all end the same. Pointlessly.
So yeah. Thank you Mass Effect. You ran a good 99 yards.
After finishing Mass Effect 3 (see below), I listened to a podcast I was avoiding, and during that podcast, they reminded me about Don't Starve, and clarified that if you buy it now, you immediately join the beta and can begin playing right away. WELL! That's all I needed to hear, and I jumped right in. Chopping down trees, collecting grass, dying. It is a very focused Minecraft, and I like it.
Oh what's that? You remember me mentioning finishing Mass Effect 3 a paragraph ago? Well!
So anyway, the show is on, I get through lines and lines of stupid Cerberus jerks, and get to the Illusive Man's awesome room, only for him not to be there, and discovering that the Catalyst is, surprise, the Citadel. What ISN'T the Citadel? We cannot stop talking about that Citadel. After killing that assassin guy who I could care less about, it's found out that the Illusive Man is ten steps ahead of us, working with the Reapers and already moved the Citadel above Earth, meaning everyone that I helped so far this game is probably dead, so that fucking sucks. Seriously, a million people lived there, almost all of them high-ranking members of society. Plus Jacob! I am sure he hasn't left that hospital!
So it's off to Earth, and here is where my nightmares begin, because the game starts getting HARD. There was one mission that I had to try at least ten times, because it was a tiny, tiny space and there were a dozen cannibals and a banshee in it trying to eat my face. After finally getting through that, there was this big area that made it super super clear that this was the last time you get to talk to anyone, and you are totally going to die after this. All saying goodbye to everyone and pouring out 40s.
And then the worst part of the game. You are trying to march toward this beacon, but the Reapers are completely destroying everything. EVERYTHING. After half an hour of tough street fights, you get to this plaza with giant missile tanks that are completely abandoned. Of also a reaper is constantly firing his giant death laser at you. And there are also six fucking brutes. Maybe a dozen banshees. Hell, how about fifty cannibals, what, are you busy? It was so tough, and let me know that there was no way that I was ever ever going to repeat this ending again, because screw this!
After all that insanity, the final march for the beacon begins, in which you just run straight at the beacon with all sorts of shit going down, and the worst part is that you don't make it. You get hit by a laser and the screen goes white and a voice announces that the whole troop was wiped out and you're like, oh shit. But Shepard is a trooper, so he gets back up and walks into the beacon.
He gets up to the Citadel, which is teeming with corpses, and stumbles towards the main room, where the Illusive Man is, all brainwashed, and I talk him down and he shoots himself in the head and then you and Anderson push the button and the Crucible is ready to go. You both sit back and say, "Yeah, good work, we did it all right, it is okay to die now." Anderson goes first, and Shepard is just about to slip and the game SHOULD HAVE ENDED.
It doesn't. Instead, Shepard is taken up to a hidden room and there's a starchild there telling him that the whole Reaper invasion is his solution to the universe and it won't work anymore and Shepard needs to choose a new solution. I'm given a number of choices, including making everyone a cyborg, which will...help, somehow, and so I say, "Sure, let's finish this conflict, let's merge everyone into one huge happy robot family," and jump in and then everything fucking explodes and the Normandy crashlands on a planet and Joker is going to have some awesome sex with his robot lady and it turns out it was all just a story told by goddamn Buzz Aldrin this entire time.
Okay, let me be clear, I did not hate the ending. Mainly because I was determined not to. But I could see the problems. There was not a lot of explanation, and they really did move the goalpost further than it needed to go. They had a good ending, and then they added this weird starchild, brand new universe, cookie cutter ending choice thing. It was a bad idea, but after thinking through it and exploring what else happened, this wasn't as bad as all those maniacs said. But it could have been better. It was better! They could have just stopped at one point and it would have worked. And the amount of backsteps they took in the extended ending makes me dislike how cowardly they were; specifically, in the original ending, the mass relays EXPLODE, which is huge and interesting, and in the extended ending, they take it back. Come on guys.
But, it's past me, I'm okay with it. Okay, everyone. What saddens me is that the whole ending regamole just shut me down on Mass Effect period. While I was playing, I was flirting with the idea of going full-renegade FemShep, just all being a lesbian and making out with my secretary. And now I don't want to. I don't care. I don't want to see how the opposite of what I chose to do would work out, because...it would all end the same. Pointlessly.
So yeah. Thank you Mass Effect. You ran a good 99 yards.
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