Final Fantasy XIV
YEP! Still. But! I want to stop and take on a journey of mystery and suspense. By which I mean, a really crappy, long string of questlines that take a serious goddamn curveball at the last minute. Read on!
So, after doing whatever thing I was doing before (I believe I was solving a series of murders and then the bad guys showed up and laughed at my penis? Even though my player character doesn't have one?), I am told that Titan is loose again, and it's up to me to solve the problem. There is a tale of an old mercenary group that defeated Titan the first time, so I go talk to who I am lead to believe is the leader of the old group, who is a simpering jackass who demands I do all his work for him and keeps referring to Titan as Tidus. Dude, I know I can defeat Tidus, that's easy, I need to defeat TITAN.
It becomes clear this guy is a fake, after he cheats during a test of strength, and he eventually points me to the real leader, who wants nothing to do with you. He is more interested in setting up a banquet for his boss, because why the hell not, and I have to help. So he sends me off on a series of errands for a bunch of assholes; I have to help some criminal poach an egg (LITERALLY), and do even more feats of strength for some catman, and then I'm directed to go into some dungeon to get some cheese. Really? I have to go through a dungeon for cheese?
After that, the task SHOULD be over, but instead he wants me to get some wine, because sure, I've already done all the work so far. He sends me to visit his blind friend, who runs a winery, but for some reason he just can't be bothered to hand over a bottle. He has me doing a bunch of asking around instead, and send me to check on an old friend of his who is apparently dying of typhoid in the middle of a jungle, but luckily all this works out, because in the jungle is a vine of the lost-forever grape strain of the best wine on Earth. This leads to someone gifting us a bottle of the best wine of Earth, which is a pretty big coincidence, really.
So after recovering the wine, you get ready for the banquet, which it slowly becomes clear is for YOU. Yes, you were preparing a banquet in your honor the entire time. WHY? Because the old mercenary group needed to test you to make sure you are strong enough to take on Titan, and you past the test! Which falls apart immediately when you consider that the entire wine subplot couldn't have possibly be planned, because it required either an outrageous amount of acting from everyone, or the wine guy suddenly changed his mind how the test would work halfway through. You can't discover assumed-lost relics every day.
But whatever, you enjoy the banquet (which should have at least given you attribute points or something, consider how they talked up this banquet), and then they tell you how to make it to Titan. Titan is a tough fight, my party required five tries to get through it, but eventually we figured out what we needed to do and saved the day, defeating Titan and ready to go back to homebase and celebrate.
RECORD SCRATCH! Like half the people at homebase are dead, and the rest of them have been taken prisoner. The big bad empire thinks you are a liability, so it wants to bring in to custody, and will definitely give you a good reason to go into hiding to do so. Because they are goddamn stupid. After a bunch of sad sack missions, in which you deal with your feelings of loss, and help me around a bunch of corpses (gross), it's eventually revealed that some random guy who happens to be at the church you were hanging out in is in fact the great Engineer Cid! What even are the odds?
So yeah, they kinda weren't planning this very well at all, but I appreciate they try to actually throw a wrench into the main plot that I didn't expect. Good work, Final Fantasy XIV. I like when MMOs have plots.
YEP! Still. But! I want to stop and take on a journey of mystery and suspense. By which I mean, a really crappy, long string of questlines that take a serious goddamn curveball at the last minute. Read on!
So, after doing whatever thing I was doing before (I believe I was solving a series of murders and then the bad guys showed up and laughed at my penis? Even though my player character doesn't have one?), I am told that Titan is loose again, and it's up to me to solve the problem. There is a tale of an old mercenary group that defeated Titan the first time, so I go talk to who I am lead to believe is the leader of the old group, who is a simpering jackass who demands I do all his work for him and keeps referring to Titan as Tidus. Dude, I know I can defeat Tidus, that's easy, I need to defeat TITAN.
It becomes clear this guy is a fake, after he cheats during a test of strength, and he eventually points me to the real leader, who wants nothing to do with you. He is more interested in setting up a banquet for his boss, because why the hell not, and I have to help. So he sends me off on a series of errands for a bunch of assholes; I have to help some criminal poach an egg (LITERALLY), and do even more feats of strength for some catman, and then I'm directed to go into some dungeon to get some cheese. Really? I have to go through a dungeon for cheese?
After that, the task SHOULD be over, but instead he wants me to get some wine, because sure, I've already done all the work so far. He sends me to visit his blind friend, who runs a winery, but for some reason he just can't be bothered to hand over a bottle. He has me doing a bunch of asking around instead, and send me to check on an old friend of his who is apparently dying of typhoid in the middle of a jungle, but luckily all this works out, because in the jungle is a vine of the lost-forever grape strain of the best wine on Earth. This leads to someone gifting us a bottle of the best wine of Earth, which is a pretty big coincidence, really.
So after recovering the wine, you get ready for the banquet, which it slowly becomes clear is for YOU. Yes, you were preparing a banquet in your honor the entire time. WHY? Because the old mercenary group needed to test you to make sure you are strong enough to take on Titan, and you past the test! Which falls apart immediately when you consider that the entire wine subplot couldn't have possibly be planned, because it required either an outrageous amount of acting from everyone, or the wine guy suddenly changed his mind how the test would work halfway through. You can't discover assumed-lost relics every day.
But whatever, you enjoy the banquet (which should have at least given you attribute points or something, consider how they talked up this banquet), and then they tell you how to make it to Titan. Titan is a tough fight, my party required five tries to get through it, but eventually we figured out what we needed to do and saved the day, defeating Titan and ready to go back to homebase and celebrate.
RECORD SCRATCH! Like half the people at homebase are dead, and the rest of them have been taken prisoner. The big bad empire thinks you are a liability, so it wants to bring in to custody, and will definitely give you a good reason to go into hiding to do so. Because they are goddamn stupid. After a bunch of sad sack missions, in which you deal with your feelings of loss, and help me around a bunch of corpses (gross), it's eventually revealed that some random guy who happens to be at the church you were hanging out in is in fact the great Engineer Cid! What even are the odds?
So yeah, they kinda weren't planning this very well at all, but I appreciate they try to actually throw a wrench into the main plot that I didn't expect. Good work, Final Fantasy XIV. I like when MMOs have plots.
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