Game of Thrones
So, I started playing the Game of Thrones Telltale game. The usual routine is that I hide all the spoilers from the main page so it doesn't ruin the story. And today is no exception!
The game starts at the night of the Red Wedding, which, if you know anything about Game of Thrones, is the exact moment in which you decide whether you want to throw this damn series into a fire or not, because it is the most gratuitous bullshit in the world! You are a simple squire for a house of the North, who is ready to march on Casterly Rock on the marrow, and you just got promoted by the Lord! Oh boy, I hope nothing really shitty happens! Guess what, something really shitty happens, and literally everyone you know gets violently murdered. One guy you are supposed to protect dies because a horse fell on him, that's awful. Anyway, you are a sole survivor, and are tasked with returning the Lord's sword to his family.
So you're walking, and then it turns out that a bunch of real jerks are murdering your family! Hey, great, the world of Game of Thrones is really charming and fun. So you manage to kill a soldier in self-defense, which turns out to be REALLY BAD. Your family is dead, and you get to the House of your former Lord, only to get some maggots put in your leg and then being exiled because you killed that soldier. Again, who DOESN'T want to live in Westeros?
Then the perspective switches (?) and you are now the 14-year-old newly-anointed Lord of the House Forrester (they are loggers, you see), and you are playing hide-and-seek, and talking with your siblings, and then you have to deal with some blowhard jackass, whatever, and then the perspective switches AGAIN to his sister, who is at King's Landing and is the handmaiden of the future queen. What a coincidence.
The sister has been called to stand in front of Cersi and proclaim that she won't be a problem, because she's from the North, you see. There's also this threat of Ramsey Snow coming to your Mom's house, so you are trying to convince your lady to intervene, because I guess Ramsey Snow is a lunatic (spoiler alert: He is.) You manage to survive your audience with Cersi (with Tyrion there just being a real jackass) and then convince your lady to ask for help with the problem. Hurray!
And then it's back to squire guy, who sees some people ripping apart a dude's chest. Then you're the young Lord again and have to chose your majordomo, of which there are only two choices, and you also have an uncle and a long-lost brother, and it's all kinda boring, because who knows how important this damn decision is?
Then BACK to King's Landing, because why not, and you get a chance to steal shit, and it turns out the future king will NOT help you, because he is Jaime Lannister, aka, the worst little piss in all of the worlds. So that's a major fuck-up, but what can you do? Apologize profusely, really.
And THEN the climatic meeting with this Ramsey Snow asshole, who is the motherfucker who flayed that guy in the forest! And he walks in like, "Hey, guess what, I'm going to just give all your land to your rival because ONE GUY who is mildly attached to you killed ONE OTHER GUY, and that apparently gives me the right to do this, because you guys don't have a standing militia, I'm a fucking dick!" All of this doesn't make any sense except for the fact that this is goddamn Game of Thrones and that's how it works, I guess. The negotiations are going...fine, I guess...with you managing to ONLY lose half your land, and you try to exert some control over this goddamn bullshit situation when...
Ramsey Snow walks up and stabs the young Lord in the fucking neck. It is as shocking as it is intentionally exploitative. He ALSO kidnaps the youngest son, which leaves House Forrester with exactly zero male heirs, so...this house is royally fucked. I don't know what the hell they are going with the next five episodes, but I'm just going to assume that it's going to be exploitative bullshit!
I'm bitching a lot, but really, I kind of enjoyed this. The game provides a lot of context that makes all your actions seem important and then just throws you against the wall suddenly, which is the joy of the book and TV series. It really is well-made in how it builds up to the punch, because you actually believe that it goddamn matters if you impress your sister or not. Because it doesn't. Of course it doesn't. It's the goddamn Doug tooltip every single time. So I'll need to take a little break before I play the next one (they are KINDA long), but I kinda want to see where the hell they are going with this.
So, I started playing the Game of Thrones Telltale game. The usual routine is that I hide all the spoilers from the main page so it doesn't ruin the story. And today is no exception!
The game starts at the night of the Red Wedding, which, if you know anything about Game of Thrones, is the exact moment in which you decide whether you want to throw this damn series into a fire or not, because it is the most gratuitous bullshit in the world! You are a simple squire for a house of the North, who is ready to march on Casterly Rock on the marrow, and you just got promoted by the Lord! Oh boy, I hope nothing really shitty happens! Guess what, something really shitty happens, and literally everyone you know gets violently murdered. One guy you are supposed to protect dies because a horse fell on him, that's awful. Anyway, you are a sole survivor, and are tasked with returning the Lord's sword to his family.
So you're walking, and then it turns out that a bunch of real jerks are murdering your family! Hey, great, the world of Game of Thrones is really charming and fun. So you manage to kill a soldier in self-defense, which turns out to be REALLY BAD. Your family is dead, and you get to the House of your former Lord, only to get some maggots put in your leg and then being exiled because you killed that soldier. Again, who DOESN'T want to live in Westeros?
Then the perspective switches (?) and you are now the 14-year-old newly-anointed Lord of the House Forrester (they are loggers, you see), and you are playing hide-and-seek, and talking with your siblings, and then you have to deal with some blowhard jackass, whatever, and then the perspective switches AGAIN to his sister, who is at King's Landing and is the handmaiden of the future queen. What a coincidence.
The sister has been called to stand in front of Cersi and proclaim that she won't be a problem, because she's from the North, you see. There's also this threat of Ramsey Snow coming to your Mom's house, so you are trying to convince your lady to intervene, because I guess Ramsey Snow is a lunatic (spoiler alert: He is.) You manage to survive your audience with Cersi (with Tyrion there just being a real jackass) and then convince your lady to ask for help with the problem. Hurray!
And then it's back to squire guy, who sees some people ripping apart a dude's chest. Then you're the young Lord again and have to chose your majordomo, of which there are only two choices, and you also have an uncle and a long-lost brother, and it's all kinda boring, because who knows how important this damn decision is?
Then BACK to King's Landing, because why not, and you get a chance to steal shit, and it turns out the future king will NOT help you, because he is Jaime Lannister, aka, the worst little piss in all of the worlds. So that's a major fuck-up, but what can you do? Apologize profusely, really.
And THEN the climatic meeting with this Ramsey Snow asshole, who is the motherfucker who flayed that guy in the forest! And he walks in like, "Hey, guess what, I'm going to just give all your land to your rival because ONE GUY who is mildly attached to you killed ONE OTHER GUY, and that apparently gives me the right to do this, because you guys don't have a standing militia, I'm a fucking dick!" All of this doesn't make any sense except for the fact that this is goddamn Game of Thrones and that's how it works, I guess. The negotiations are going...fine, I guess...with you managing to ONLY lose half your land, and you try to exert some control over this goddamn bullshit situation when...
Ramsey Snow walks up and stabs the young Lord in the fucking neck. It is as shocking as it is intentionally exploitative. He ALSO kidnaps the youngest son, which leaves House Forrester with exactly zero male heirs, so...this house is royally fucked. I don't know what the hell they are going with the next five episodes, but I'm just going to assume that it's going to be exploitative bullshit!
I'm bitching a lot, but really, I kind of enjoyed this. The game provides a lot of context that makes all your actions seem important and then just throws you against the wall suddenly, which is the joy of the book and TV series. It really is well-made in how it builds up to the punch, because you actually believe that it goddamn matters if you impress your sister or not. Because it doesn't. Of course it doesn't. It's the goddamn Doug tooltip every single time. So I'll need to take a little break before I play the next one (they are KINDA long), but I kinda want to see where the hell they are going with this.
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