Game of Thrones
Once more into the breach! The shitty, shitty breach. How exactly are they going to solve their problem that is caused almost entirely by misogyny?
WELL, we have a couple of options. The first is that a son of the house is still alive, Ashor, who is off in the East doing mercenary work. We see him in a room full of dead people, hanging out with his lady friend, trying to collect a ransom. It goes badly when the collectors kill the hostage pretty much instantly, tries to murder them, and then didn't even bother to bring any money to begin with. It is some straight bullshit, I hate this shitty world where nobody stands by their fucking word. But Ashor and his friends (including his uncle who shows up for some reason) manage to sneak out of town after only a few more murders, and it's time to take a journey to the West.
Oh also, that son that got killed at the Red Wedding? Yeah, he's not dead. He wakes up suddenly riding in a corpse carriage with his dad, and managed to pull himself free, but he is very badly wounded, with half his face all scared up and never able to walk without assistance probably ever again. He gets up and goes to claim his place as Lord (with some help from his sister), and finds out that things are fucked, because things are always fucked. But Lord Rodrik is ready to keep on keeping on, he's still got a planned marriage ahead of him, and frankly he needs to raise an army, because the Forresters are probably going to be crushed by the Whitehills soon.
AND THEN it's time to see what Mira is up to, which is the same old bullshit. Her lady is mad at her because she asks too much, her handmaiden friend is apparently a bastard, and Tyrion tricks the shit out of her to try to ahold of the Ironwood, which does nothing BAD hurt House Forrester, so...god fuck yourself Tyrion. I eventually elected to do as little as possible here, because I didn't want to screw things over too badly.
But it doesn't matter, because Rodrik meets with his fiance and it goes badly. Of course it does. She is worried that because he is less of a man, and the House is going up in flames, that she should probably jump ship, and I can't convince her otherwise. She definitely did not like it when Lord Whitehall, the ass, comes marching in and refuses to let the youngest son attend the funeral of his father and brother, and I go ahead and give the fat, bloated sack of shit what he wants, only for him to continue to insult me TO MY FACE. The scene ends with a very poignant "I'm going to kill that man," because fuck that asshole.
Oh, also, that squire makes it to the Wall, makes a few "friends," does a couple of trials, meets Jon Snow who is dreamy I guess? It is extremely boring and game-y.
Mira receives a letter inviting her to a midnight tryst, which she goes to, stupidly, because it turns out to be some Lannister guy who wants to kill her, OF COURSE. But she is saved by the coal boy, and then decides to kill the fuck out of him, because what exactly is to stop him from trying again, and it's not like they have forensics in Westeros! Who cares if they find a bloody knife lying in the bushes, it's not like they can goddamn fingerprint me. SURE another guard saw me there with that guy, but I'll jump that hurdle when I get to it. Or maybe he'll try to rape Mira, that seems like something that would totally happen in the crapshit, stupid, unfulfilling, total awful, I don't know why people subject themselves to this world of Westeros.
(I know I complain a lot, but I would just like one SINGLE example of a single time in Westeros history where it wasn't grimdark and shitty as fuck. Surely there is a single house that is both reasonable and respectable to both its family and its smallfolk that doesn't get unfairly torched and destroyed by sociopaths. There MUST be one.)
And then the funeral. It's fine. There aren't a lot of huge decision to make here, just whatever. The stage is set. Rodrik has to lead the house. Ashor needs to get home with an army, Mira needs to avoid getting murdered, the squire needs to become a squire, and I need to have a shot. Goodnight Episode 2!
Once more into the breach! The shitty, shitty breach. How exactly are they going to solve their problem that is caused almost entirely by misogyny?
WELL, we have a couple of options. The first is that a son of the house is still alive, Ashor, who is off in the East doing mercenary work. We see him in a room full of dead people, hanging out with his lady friend, trying to collect a ransom. It goes badly when the collectors kill the hostage pretty much instantly, tries to murder them, and then didn't even bother to bring any money to begin with. It is some straight bullshit, I hate this shitty world where nobody stands by their fucking word. But Ashor and his friends (including his uncle who shows up for some reason) manage to sneak out of town after only a few more murders, and it's time to take a journey to the West.
Oh also, that son that got killed at the Red Wedding? Yeah, he's not dead. He wakes up suddenly riding in a corpse carriage with his dad, and managed to pull himself free, but he is very badly wounded, with half his face all scared up and never able to walk without assistance probably ever again. He gets up and goes to claim his place as Lord (with some help from his sister), and finds out that things are fucked, because things are always fucked. But Lord Rodrik is ready to keep on keeping on, he's still got a planned marriage ahead of him, and frankly he needs to raise an army, because the Forresters are probably going to be crushed by the Whitehills soon.
AND THEN it's time to see what Mira is up to, which is the same old bullshit. Her lady is mad at her because she asks too much, her handmaiden friend is apparently a bastard, and Tyrion tricks the shit out of her to try to ahold of the Ironwood, which does nothing BAD hurt House Forrester, so...god fuck yourself Tyrion. I eventually elected to do as little as possible here, because I didn't want to screw things over too badly.
But it doesn't matter, because Rodrik meets with his fiance and it goes badly. Of course it does. She is worried that because he is less of a man, and the House is going up in flames, that she should probably jump ship, and I can't convince her otherwise. She definitely did not like it when Lord Whitehall, the ass, comes marching in and refuses to let the youngest son attend the funeral of his father and brother, and I go ahead and give the fat, bloated sack of shit what he wants, only for him to continue to insult me TO MY FACE. The scene ends with a very poignant "I'm going to kill that man," because fuck that asshole.
Oh, also, that squire makes it to the Wall, makes a few "friends," does a couple of trials, meets Jon Snow who is dreamy I guess? It is extremely boring and game-y.
Mira receives a letter inviting her to a midnight tryst, which she goes to, stupidly, because it turns out to be some Lannister guy who wants to kill her, OF COURSE. But she is saved by the coal boy, and then decides to kill the fuck out of him, because what exactly is to stop him from trying again, and it's not like they have forensics in Westeros! Who cares if they find a bloody knife lying in the bushes, it's not like they can goddamn fingerprint me. SURE another guard saw me there with that guy, but I'll jump that hurdle when I get to it. Or maybe he'll try to rape Mira, that seems like something that would totally happen in the crapshit, stupid, unfulfilling, total awful, I don't know why people subject themselves to this world of Westeros.
(I know I complain a lot, but I would just like one SINGLE example of a single time in Westeros history where it wasn't grimdark and shitty as fuck. Surely there is a single house that is both reasonable and respectable to both its family and its smallfolk that doesn't get unfairly torched and destroyed by sociopaths. There MUST be one.)
And then the funeral. It's fine. There aren't a lot of huge decision to make here, just whatever. The stage is set. Rodrik has to lead the house. Ashor needs to get home with an army, Mira needs to avoid getting murdered, the squire needs to become a squire, and I need to have a shot. Goodnight Episode 2!
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