Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood
Okay, I am really lazy, and the only reason I played this again today is because I didn’t feel like changing the disc. I am very lazy. But! I did switch over to the single player, and got engulfed in that for a couple of good hours.
I didn’t actually do anything impressive; I did one main mission, but as it turned out, it was only an end-of-chapter cutscene in which Ezio gets to the brothel to be told that the ladies who stole the money were followed and the guards were in the brothel! So Ezio goes running in to find four corpses and his sister standing over them. There’s a brief scene where they exchange glances and then Mom walks in and everybody has a great laugh! Oh, we are all murderers, hah hah hah!
In the real world, it turns out that Desmond now has access to everyone’s e-mail, which seems like a big security risk. There was also Mario’s sword lying around in the dirt, which I picked up, because why wouldn’t I? I have no idea why Mario’s sword would be completely ignored for over 500 years in a village that has obviously been built upon, but whatever. Plus, I turned on my eagle vision (which Desmond apparently has) to find some crazy red footprints! That…lead nowhere and gave me nothing to interact with. Nobody will talk to me, and I have no idea where Lucy went, so back into the fake world I go.
The last of Leonardo’s death machines has been destroyed! This one was not as bad in terms of getting to where I needed to go. I only dysynced twice due to being spotted, which is still too much, but I got to drive around a death tank, so that was fun. After I finished with that, Leonardo thanked me by handing me a parachute. Now I can…parachute. I really have no idea why I would ever need to use this. (I was about to get in the game’s grill over this, but as it turned out, Leonardo da Vinci did in fact draw a sketching of a parachute. So I’ll shut my face.)
There’s also a new kind of mission that I can try called Templar Agents. I got excited when I saw them appear on the map and immediate ran to try one, running into some lady standing on a roof, threatening to suicide because her husband now makes a living pushing dudes off roofs. Ezio talks her down because her motivation is stupid, and then goes to kill this jerk, Larz. I see him dicking around and take him out, and then notice that he looks like one of the playable characters in the multiplayer! Ezio is going to kill all the playable characters! Heck, he may have already killed the executor, now that I think about it, at the very beginning of the game. For some reason I am stupid excited about this. I also killed the Blacksmith, who apparently spent his time making propaganda posters (posters?) and spoke in a doofy tough guy voice. I wonder who I will kill next!
One last thing, during a standard assassination mission, I was tasked with killing six armored assholes who were standing around being dicks to people. I was warned that if I wasn’t careful, they would call reinforcements, so I had to figure out a way to prevent them from doing it. Then I remembered I have poison! Poison kills silently! Actually, no, in the main game, poison makes you go woozy and you start swinging around your sword like a dick. So I poison four of the big guys and then go crazy, killing off those around them, and I sneak up and stab the survivors. Pretty neat! I wish they didn’t give me so many weapons, so I actually learned to use them all.
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