What I Played Today: November 2

Skulls and Roses, Two Rooms and a Boom, The Resistance, Grand Theft Auto V

I went to a party, and it was a fun party. Had a good time. played a lot of party games. The only one I feel like talking about though is Two Rooms and a Boom, which went over MUCH BETTER than it did the last time we played it. People were on board, people enjoyed the format, people were good with lying. We had a lot of people who just didn't want to show their card to anyone, which was interesting. We had a game where the Bomber decided to show exactly one person his card, and he showed me, a member of the Blue team. So...he freaked, and I immediately went to town trying to find the President and gained control of the room and sent him away so he didn't know when I found the President. Lot of fun, this game. I really wish I had a larger group that I could depend on to play. But...Kickstarted this nonsense.

Then I went home with a couple of drunk idiots in tow and they laughed at me while I played Grand Theft Auto V.

What I Played Today: October 29

Grand Theft Auto V, Guild Wars 2

I went ahead and played the real ending of Grand Theft Auto V, and it definitely feels like a real ending, in which you kill a lot of people because that's how these fucking games work. It's also a lot more "satisfying," by which I mean nobody says something really stupid. Let's leave it at that.

Also, another update in Guild Wars 2, in which there's a bigass tower in the middle of some region, and there's another fucking alliance. How often will the bad guys create alliances? Why do they think alliances are intriguing? Anyone, one thing I noticed is that some of the enemies in this new group don't stay down when you kill them. They act like players! Still able to fling spells at you while they lay on the ground, and you have to FINISH THEM in order to take them out of the fight for real. Fun?

What I Played Today: October 26-27

Grand Theft Auto V

I put this jerk to bed! I realized what I hated most about this game and it turned out it was the story, so I just spent all weekend finishing this thing. And because it's the ending of a game, I'll throw up a

What I Played Today: October 22

Grand Theft Auto V

Played some Grand Theft Auto today, because I could. I think (I hope) I'm finally done with the FIB, and everything is slowly resetting to "normal," although now we are playing on doing a huge heist for what seems like literally no reason? Like, because we feel like it? I guess that's something, but it seems ridiculous to just suddenly change motives mid-stream. I mean, all three protagonists have enough right now, and all three currently own and run a number of companies. (I had Michael buy a gay bar, for fun). But I suppose it's Male Crime World, so what can you do?

Oh, and then I had to stop playing because one of the dumbest things I've ever seen happened. I literally sat there slackjawed because what happened on screen made no earthly sense to me and I could no longer identify with my avatar anymore. The only reason I could even think that this thing happened is because of drugs, so...don't do drugs, kid. Because it causes you to awfully and awkwardly close off a plot thread that didn't even need tying up TO BEGIN WITH. (kicks can) (so goddamn angry)

What I Played Today: October 15

GTA V, Guild Wars 2, Swords and Potions 2

I completed another region in Guild Wars 2 today. Now all I have to do is finish up the three Orr regions. Good thing that's extremely difficult to do! Oh well, at least there aren't any heart missions down there. Yeah, screw you heart missions. I am also missing a few regions that I need to find. Hurray World Completion.

Also played a good bit of GTA V, and did another heist, which involved a lot of firefighting and in the end they took all my money! AGAIN! And I've been thinking for a while that all of this bullshit where you run missions for little or no cash is a bit of a commentary on intern culture and worker compensation in today's economy, in which the average worker is expected to work for free, or for increasingly low pay, while those in power concentrate the majority of the money to themselves. And then I start to think that maybe this is too smart for this game that is still telling sexist jokes. There was also this really INSANE mission in which you just...ride a motorcycle onto a train, hijack it, and crash it to steal a weird statue. With absolutely no set-up. I find it just bizarre that very basic heists require scoping out and preparation, and then Trevor will just decide to rob something that SHOULD require a ton of set-up, and just goes with the flow. Like, if he spent just a little bit actually planning his insane hitjobs, maybe he might get out of there with some actual goods? I don't know.

I also keep playing Swords and Potions 2. These customers keep on wanting stuff that I don't have! Come on guys, I have tons of health potions. Do you want a health potion? Just buy a fucking health potion.

What I Played Today: October 9

Grand Theft Auto V, Swords and Potions 2

I had the unhappy experience of hanging out with the most misogynist characters in Grand Theft Auto V today. One was an adrenaline junkie who cannot imagine being a "man" without a complete lunatic who jumps out of planes and BMXs down mountains, all the while shouting about how the penis is literally the only good thing in the universe and if you don't act like him, you don't have one and deserve scorn. Fuck this guy. The second was the shrill, angry, not-a-real-person female fitness nut that you can easily beat in a triathlon, which only makes her more shrill and her portrayal more sexist. Hey, hey game designers, instead of having me be a dick to these people, maybe can I refer all of them to a psychologist? Like, "Push Y to suggest they start acting like a real person and not a shitty sexist caricature." Maybe?

Oh also, Franklin can see and communicate with ghost dogs. That is all.

Also, I really really like this dumb online game in which you craft stuff and then sell them. I don't know what is going on. Swords and Potions 2 is draining my life!

What I Played Today: October 5

Grand Theft Auto 5

UGGG, Grand Theft Auto has decided to be stupid again. Like, there is literally no reason for us to be doing what we are doing, you know? And for some reason Michael is totally cool with just being treated like a sack of garbage, and Trevor does something extremely stupid, and motherfucker when does this game start to make sense? When the hell can we tell the FBI to go fuck themselves? Because some of their asks are literally ridiculous. "Hey, you guys cool with picking up the tab for this one?" NO ASSHOLE! NO WE AREN'T!

What I Played Today: October 1

Grand Theft Auto V, Terraria

I am still clicking through Grand Theft Auto, did some desert stuff, including tracking down a bailjumper, then leapt back on the main mission trail, and I am starting to feel like this game is intentionally wasting my time. There has been ZERO reward for the last four major missions that pull all the characters together. You get absolutely no money for a high-risk helicopter extraction, an explosive theft in which you ultimately just return what you stole, a smash-and-grab of an armored car that leads to a prolonged police shootout, and a chase mission that inexplicably requires you driving THE ENTIRE CIRCUMFERENCE OF THE MAP. Wasn't this game about fucking heists? Wasn't I going to be casing joints, hiring drivers and hackers, building up these detailed plans, and getting paid? Because so far, I appear to be jerked around by a bunch of assholes who can't even bother to pay for my fucking expenses. I paid good money for these masks, guys.

There was also this really really weird part in which I had to get a getaway car for a mission in which they never told me where the mission would be taking place? So I just...parked a car somewhere, hoping that was good enough. Then the mission happens, cops show up, cops GET BORED and go away, and then I have to jump into one of the vehicles we used (just one! There's still another vehicle there that we used that probably has a ton of evidence all over it), and drive it halfway across town to the getaway car and destroy the vehicle I was driving previously. Um...why?! Why the hell did I need to do that? Why did I need to blow up this vehicle again? Was that part of the plan? Why was that part of the plan? Who the hell came up with the plan? And isn't the point of a getaway car to get away from the scene of the crime? Because I quite easily got away from the scene of the crime and then drove somewhere else to create another crime. And ultimately, the real package, the thing we stole, was being transported in someone else's easily-traceable private car, so that entire thing was extremely pointless. Like I said...intentionally wasting my time.

Also there was apparently a huge update to Terraria, which is great because I love Terraria, so I decided to start playing from scratch. I built my little hut, starting digging into the ground, apparently there is lead and tin now? I don't remember if there was lead and tin before, and if that means anything. Also when it rains, goldfish just start walking around on the ground, and the zombies wear raincoats. That is adorable.

What I Played Today: September 28

Grand Theft Auto V

The buildup to the next heist is in, although from the sound of it I won't actually be making any money, so I have no idea why I'm doing it? Because the Feds, I guess? Man, screw the Feds. But this sure is a video game, can't deny that.

What I Played Today: September 24

Grand Theft Auto V

WELP! I finally got to the torture scene, and I hated it. This was beyond pointless and unnecessary and I just didn't see the satire in any of this. Even afterwards, when they were like, "Yeah, torture is dumb." Oh really, GTA? Maybe tell me that torture is dumb before you force me to do it for no reason. I'm not a sociopath.

Also there was a heist and I'm not going to talk about it because it was dumb.

What I Played Today: September 22

Grand Theft Auto V

Meh I'm still playing this game. I am finally done being around Trevor without respite, although I had to skip a mission because it sucked and I died five times and screw that. But Trevor eventually made it to Los Santos and I can switch back to the other people and do things with them so I screwed around in town, picking up random missions. Somehow, when Trevor meets Michael again, it DOESN'T end with someone getting shot, and apparently Trevor just drives away no problems, everyone is friends again. This is the most confusing aspect after everything we learned about Trevor.

So I did a ton more stuff, shot some guys, met some more people, there's this charming English couple you meet near some garbage cans...And then there's a Michael mission that really changes everything that's going on, and does it in the weirdest way possible and it's cool. I wish this game wasn't so cool...

What I Played Today: September 21

Grand Theft Auto V, Touch My Katamari

I am still rolling those Katamaris, although I have gotten stuck with one of the missions. All the items just seem to dry up after I get past 6m, and I need to get to 8. That's why too small to pick up these buildings, and I am having trouble getting around them. Why are you being so difficult, Katamari?

I have also gotten to the meat of GTAV, and I like it a lot! You plan out a mission and based on who you hire, the job can go well, but the main characters make less money, or it can go really poorly. In the mission, I cut some corners on the addition gunman, because we weren't going to be shooting anybody for this mission, and it turns out that was a bad idea! But it ended up okay, because Franklin knows what he's doing.

And then I had to spend what felt like FOREVER hanging out with the asshole that is Trevor. I hate this fucking guy. I can understand how he has a reasonable amount of charm, but I really don't want to hang out with this asshole. He is just a huge dick. And his first mission is very insane! We are introduced to characters as if we are supposed to know who they are? Who the hell is Santos? And why does Wade just show up in Juggalo paint one time without any comment whatsoever?

What I Played Today: September 20

Touch My Katamari, Chaos in the Old World, Forbidden Desert, Sentinels of the Multiverse, Grand Theft Auto V

I remembered that I bought a new Katamari game! Like a while ago! So I booted it up on my Vita, and it's definitely a Katamari game! There's this weird currency system in which you get candy to buy clothes, but otherwise, it's Katamari. You roll a ball. It's great. Also the software does have its faults...once you get to some of the larger areas, the draw distance just tanks. Oof.

Finally made it to board games. I played a game of Chaos in the Old World, which was about pretty standard, although Khorne rolled horribly. I wish the game didn't feel like Khorne Vs. Everyone at times, but the MO for three-fourths of the table is "just live in peace" while Khorne exists merely to screw everyone up. I wonder how a game of everyone but Khorne would work out....  Anyway, I basically gave the game to Nurgle, because I accidentally ruined two regions that gave Nurgle more points. It's all my fault...

Then a game of Forbidden Desert that went well, although one player was worried the entire time, and another wanted to just start screwing around when victory was in sight. Coop games are hard with this group...

Also a game of Sentinels of the Multiverse, which was easily won, because it was versus Plague Rat, and that guy is easy. Although his infections are stupid. Screw his Infections.

And I'm just getting ramped up in Grand Theft Auto V, despite all my attempts to slow it down. I went to the movies, I rode a shitty rollercoaster. Hey, maybe I'll do the triathlon for some reason. But no...I guess I will do crime...

What I Played Today: September 19

Grand Theft Auto V

I screwed around some more in Grand Theft Auto V. We are getting more hints of the characters and what they are up to, although the impetus of the story, of why you are doing ANY OF THIS, is stupid as hell. Just...just goddamn dumb. The stupid motive to do anything I've ever seen. Fuck, even Mafia II did this better, in which the main character just decides that having a normal job is lame, dude.

Anyway, things have started, things are desperate, something must be done, and everyone that Franklin knows is an idiot, and I'm pretty sure if everyone else in the world wasn't equally an idiot, I would say their portrayals are extremely racist. Instead, I will call them fairly racist. Also, the strip club minigame is somehow WORSE than Hot Coffee, and yet this somehow made it into the game? Fuck the strip club minigame.

The lowest common denominator is a fucking asshole. Man now I'm pissed!

What I Played Today: September 17

Grand Theft Auto V

OKAY FINE. I have a lot of very good things about this dumb game and although I still remember growing very bored with GTA4, and I am well-aware of the misogynist shitfit the gaming culture is once again perpetuating (fuck the gaming culture, by the way)...but...I just want to play an open world game again you guys. Skyrim was a long time ago, and I can't play Saint's Row 4 on my current systems.

So anyway! This game starts with a mild explanation of how we got here, with a horribly botched bank robbery in North Dakota. And then we hang out with some guy who claims he wants to go straight but for some reason only seemed to hang out with goddamn criminals. (What's up, Nico II? I mean...Franklin.) The game has all the unusual things! You drive around, stuff happens, the world is full of STUFF. I like a world full of stuff! If only it wasn't full of ugly ugly ugly fucking stuff.